Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Angry Catwalk Tired of Being Walked All Over

After this woman's extensive diet, she thought she would test the water by walking on sheets of paper. To the disbelief of everyone in the room, the tissue paper did not sustain her weight:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Gin and Juice

P.S. I just want to note that five minutes ago I was passed out on my bed with Sippin' on Gin and Juice playing. "You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine . Everything is fine when you listenin' to the d-o-g"

P.P.S. This prescription is really strong.

Mr. Tastee and his Tastee Mobile

Every day around this time (the 13th hour of the day) an ice cream truck drives by my apartment here in industrial east williamsburg. In my dreams the truck looks like this:


So, I 100% lost this morning when I woke up with an awesome (in the sense of meriting awe) migraine. I am finally at the stage where I am not puking up everything I eat, so I figure it is time to check my email, to see who loves me.

Low and behold very few people do. My mother did send me something, but she has to love me so it doesn't really count AND she doesn't even love me enough to send me an original email, she forwarded me an email.

This be the content of the email:

Forget Rednecks is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through April , you live in New England

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England ..

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England .

If you have switched from 'heat ' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England .

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 70 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England ..

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England ..

If you find 20 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your New England friends & others, you live in New England .

Pardon me, but what does Jeff Foxworthy know about New England? Isn't this akin to my father talking to me about the west coast rap scene. My dad may be a rapper, but he is strictly east coast. Some of these just aren't funny or correct. For instance, we don't have dairy queens in new england, we have quality family owned joints such as C&L and Bubbling Brook. ANND we have all four seasons, thank you. But, I mean, other than that everything else is pretty much true, and fulfilling the requirement of the last statement, I am sharing them. With my new england friends (or friends who wish they were from new england).

I don't really know where this post came from or is going. I also would like to state that I am on very heavy pain killer type drugs for my migraine that the doctor said would make me "out of it." No excuses, I am just saying, you might want to be on pain killers if you want to understand this post.

So, basically, my statement of losing for this post is: Stick to what you know, Jeff Foxworthy, and lets not be throwing around the term "joke" to loosely.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Applications Now Accepted

What prompted me to start this blog?

a. All those cool kids were doing it.
b. I am sitting alone in my bed in an empty apartment and I feel my lifeblood slipping through my fingers and into the bottomless irretreivable abyss that is father time's butthole.
c. The internets are a new and uncharted territory, call me sacajewia (SP?)
d. I thought of the name glorywhole and wanted to take it before someone else did, even though it is not that witty.

While all of the above may have been factors in the creation of this blog, the one true and right answer (like the Christian God) is D.

You win.

Actually you lose for wasting the 30 seconds it took to read that, but knowing you (and I probably do) you already lose all the time anyway, and so are used to it, and will therefore be very happy with the theme I have chosen for this blog:


(I have just lost because I now cannot figure how to turn off the bold)

Yes, this blog will be dedicated to all forms of Loss. More specifically losers and their losing ways. Most specifically my friends.